There are so many reasons that I love photography and other forms of art. Of course, both can be beautiful, thought-provoking and interesting. But one of the main reasons that I love photography and art is because these things allow me to maintain and keep a record of things once lost, of times once spent, and of thoughts or actions or experiences that I have had at one time in my life. Every part of life is important — even those times that might not have been the happiest times in life, every moment and every experience is important because it is part of you, part of your story.
I took the picture, above, during a time in my life when I didn’t have too much going for me. What I mean is that I was being bullied, being stalked, and being pushed around and yet, for the most part it appeared that I was being silent about the experiences and about what was happening to me. Yet, was I being silent? Silence on the outside is very different from silence from inside of you. Silly, but that’s just my experience . Even in my most silent of times, I spoke out through my art. I pictured myself without really showing myself. In this picture, above, this was one of my ‘free’ times, a day that I had time to spend –away from the person who was bullying me. Yet, as much as I wanted to practice photography, I really didn’t want myself seen in a photograph. So that was the result of my artistic ability at the moment.
I took that picture back in the 90s. And that was quite a long time ago, almost in another lifetime. (If the date on it is different, that is just because that is when I uploaded it to a computer). Yes, that was a ‘real film’ picture. Back when photographers didn’t really use much digital equipment, and we were all using TMAX and other kinds of films and Kodak processes and all and other ‘real’ camera films, that picture was printed out and processed ‘the old-fashioned way’. Yet, this picture is one of my favorites. The original is a little different. I took the original print , back in the 90s, and copied it on a machine and adjusted the color and everything else to exactly the way that I wanted it to be. So, though you might think that picture is pretty bad –photographically, to me it was and so is, ‘just perfect’. The self-portrait is exactly as I wanted it to be. So there you go.
Yes, except for the odd shape there (you see my elbows jutting out because I was holding the little old camera out there, totally distracted by the old fashioned lamppost there, the shadow on the wall). Hey, smiles, sometimes you get lemons.
During many times of my life, I created shadow portraits, and also created collages. Silly me, even in my most silent times, I refused to be totally silenced. My art has always spoken my words when my words, simply, were not able to escape in the ordinary way.
Yes, still, it’s a favorite photograph of mine.